Love and Logic...

It's Valentine's Day, and the daytime talk show I'm listening to is bedecked with hearts and flowers and 50 couples just got engaged. All the brides-to-be were surprised and teary-eyed and touched... love.love.love. I am so in love with Jonathan that I teared up, too. :-) 


Love. It's not all hearts and flowers. But it is precious, and not to be abused. 


I just now figured it out after 44 years of knowing the word and using it to describe ice cream, Donny Osmond, The Eagles, and my first car, as a young lady, in that order. I have certainly said it to the wrong people on occasion. I didn't understand it until now.


Growing up in my family we always said, "I love you", but it always had a silent rejoinder ( as long as you behave yourselves and follow our rules/agree with us/don't stir up trouble). It was the culture of the day and of our heritage. It's still true to this day. No politics, no religion, no talk of anything that could possibly make anyone uncomfortable. Neighbor chat only, please. Just happy fluff. That way everyone gets along...


Yes, we love each other, but not really unconditionally as our professed faith would have everyone believe. Kind of like the church today. 


We're Christians and sang the Young Life songs and had family prayer and went to church and were supposed to be one big happy family. When my dad broke off we placed all the blame on him, on what he did and what he didn't do ad nauseum.  I have felt guilty and been made to feel guilty about loving my dad unconditionally for about 30 years. How odd that what we are taught as Christians doesn't apply in divorce...


He was my dad. Not my husband or my brother-in-law or my co-worker. My dad. We kids did not get to keep our father, physically or emotionally, because when he chose to not be a husband he was branded as a criminal-of-sorts. It has happened to more people than he. Trust me on that one.


As Christians, the legacy of St. Valentine, who risked his life and ultimately gave it so folks could be married against the law of the day (which was geared towards a stronger military that domestic bliss), we have taken love and redefined it, manipulated it, used it as a weapon in religious, political, and social arguments. 


Love. The very force causes us to be illogical. To bond with a baby after it has ripped apart our bodies, to love another person and share our life with them, to love a dog or a pet whom you have to feed and care for and clean up after, to follow a deity who master-minded the whole universe down to the last minutiae of detail who become incarnate and live here and experience this limited 'life' is illogical. Yet, it is love in purest form -- which is often abused AS a force to FORCE agreement. 

"I love you" or "I love Jesus"  is not what you say to quell an argument, as if disagreement is wrong and must be avoided like a sin.

See, being a Christian and loving everybody in the name of Jesus is a great concept, and a commandment. But often it evolves into a demand instead of a guide. " I love you ( or "I love you in Christ) and we need to be of one accord" frequently gets used as a tool to force agreement. 


If we are all Christians, or if we are family, we must all agree on every single thing. SINCE WHEN? 


In my relationship with Jonathan, we have continued on the same path we started 35 years ago. Friends with like interests and common beliefs, listening to the other and accepting everything the other says, whether or not we agree on everything the other says. That's love. We love each other with all our faults, all our gifts, all our flaws, and all our perfections. The good, the bad, the so-so, and the amazing. :-)


Love is maintaining your Self within a relationship, while respecting and accepting the other person as a whole. 


It's not joining two candle flames into one, where the two disappear.


It's the mixing of sands where the colors tumble together yet remain recognizable, separate and distinct...


Seems like Jesus  gave up His power, His will, His knowledge of the truth to sacrifice Himself in human form, and did not ever demand His own way, but the will of the Father. 


HE alone fits every verse of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.⁸ Love never fails."


In family, in marriage, if you love someone, let them be them, in friendship. That's why you love them in the first place -- because they are unique and special to you. 


That's how I love my dad, and my mom. People who happen to be my parents. I don't want to remember if they failed me or others... I just want to remember what great people they were and how they loved me. 


In Christianity, do the same. People who happen to be 'family'. Just remember that the love we share has no conditions, no denominational rules, no rules. Men wrote those rules. Jesus said "Love one another, and spread the word."


If we were meant to all think alike, Jesus would have never showed up, and we might all still be oppressed, instead of living in a free country built on Christian principles. 


Instead, because of Christ, we are free to love, free to speak, free to live as followers. Let's hope we put down our swords against each other before it's too late, and we slice through the fragile threads that bind us together.